Ben Lewis

 
Question to Radio Yerevan:
Is it true that half of the members of the Central Committee are idiots?
– Rubbish. Half of the central committee are not idiots.

What is the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
– An optimist learns English – a pessimist Chinese.

What would happen if one of our leaders had a heart transplant and received a Western heart?
– In principle, nothing. The heart plays no role with our leaders.

Major Frdrych of Orange Alternative
 
Question to Radio Yerevan:
How would the Soveit Government react to a completely hopeless situation?
– We don’t give out any information about Soviet agriculture.

Are there any historical precedents for the Soviet system of elections?
– Yes, in the story of the Creation. God made Eve, put her in the Garden of Eden, and said to Adam: “Now choose a woman.”

Which nationality were Adam and Eve?
– Soviet.
Why’s that?
– They had one apple between them, they were both completely naked—and they believed they were in Paradise.

Zenon Laskowik

Dear Radio Yerevan: I don’t know what’s the matter with me. I don’t love the Party any more. I feel nothing at all for Comrade Brezhnev or any of the other leaders of the Party. What should I do?
– Please send us your name and address.

Is there censorship of the press and radio in the Soviet Union?
– In principle no, but it is unfortunately not possible to go into this question in any detail at the present time.

Can a pig become bald?
– Sorry. We do not answer political questions.